My picture

You know, it is very irritating that in my picture I look like I could be at my goal weight! I think I look awesome, if I dare say so myself. And to believe this picture was just taken a week or so ago. How is that possible? The sad thing is, if you look below my neck I'm still F-A-T!!! I'm so tired of people telling me I have a pretty face. Isn't that nice people speak for 'she's fat, but she's nice so let's tell her she has a pretty face'? I know people are trying to be nice, but if you haven't been in a fat person's body, it's hard to understand! I absolutely HATE being fat!! Why can't I seem to do anything about it?! Of course, I've been through the, 'oh I must have a thyroid problem', etc., but who am I fooling? I can't keep my fat little fingers away from the food!! That is the bottom line and I need to learn to stay away from it or I'll be fat all my life! Good grief, food is like a freakin' drug....it is a disease, whatever you want to call it. It is a nasty 'habit' that I have been trying to break for years and for some reason I can't break it! Maybe I should go to a 'fat farm' or something....who knows?! Do they have 'rehab' for fat people?! Maybe I should start one.

Sorry about the ranting! I normally am such a happy, positive person, but I'm disgusted with myself....with the way I look, I'm embarrassed for my husband to see me, and think he must feel the same way I do. Why wouldn't he?! He looks at the same fat that I do...why would he feel any different about it?! I don't know...maybe he loves me because I have a pretty face, like everyone else says. At least I have that! LOL

Ok, I'm done now. Hopefully you won't have to listen to this again. Hopefully, I can pull it all together and turn my life around! With God's help, anything is possible. Thank you God, for loving me even when I don't love myself!!

Day ?

Back again. I have been SO bad this week. I've only worked out one day so far and I have really slipped on my eating. Once again, not as bad as before I started, but not good enough. I think alot of it is I am a tad stressed about the move, selling the house, finding a new job, etc., etc. I know that God will provide and we will be fine, but deep down, the doubt creeps in. :( I'm sorry God, I know that you are powerful beyond words, but that stupid devil keeps telling me differently. But, I know he is wrong and I will win this battle!!

I have decided I am not going to beat myself up about this...I am going to take this week 'off', get the yard sale done, the house cleaned up to put on the market and see my hubby off to Baltimore. This too, is getting to me, because I am going to be in charge by myself. I have to get 5 kids to 4 different schools each morning (only 2 are mine, the other 3 are the kids I nanny for) and then be both mom and dad for awhile til we are all together again. I can't wait for that day....I hate being apart. I am so glad that I have friends and family praying for our marriage and for this move...we couldn't do it without them!

Sean leaves on Sunday and on Monday I am starting back on this new way of life with a vengeance. I will work out every day, and push myself like I never have before. I will only eat what I am 'allowed' and nothing more! I will knock Sean's socks off when he sees me again! I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!!!

Week 6.....

I'm back again. Missed the last few days, but have been busy. We are moving to Baltimore, MD and things are a little crazy here. I have not been sticking to my diet and exercise as planned, but still doing better than I used to. I only worked out 3 times last week, but I am not going to dwell on that fact and I am moving on. It is a new week and I am going to conquer the world....and my weight! :)

Today is a good day....at least in the diet world. :) When I put on my jeans this morning they felt really loose on the thighs....great thing! :) They also felt a little less tight on the waist. What a great feeling! I can do this and I AM doing this! I am so excited to be losing weight steadily (even if slow), and I can't wait to be that '1 skinny chick' that I know is inside me. I realize that it is not going to solve everything being thin, but just feeling better about myself makes the world a better place. I will be more confident in myself and not always trying to hide in a corner because I think someone thinks I look fat. The thing is, I need to realize that people aren't looking at me, I am not so important that they should waste their time looking at my weight.

I am so blessed to have a supportive husband and family in all this. I can't imagine going it alone. I don't know how people do it! I've had a glimpse of what I can look like when I lose 40 lbs., since I've been there before so I can only imagine how smokin' I'll be when I lose 80!!

Another week down....

I have made it through another week, another weigh in and measurements taken. So far, I'm down 4.8lbs. and have lost 9 inches. Not really where I want to be, but at least I am losing. Praise the Lord for that!

This week I haven't been as diligent with my eating and workout habits. I only worked out 3 times this week, and I really snacked more than I should have. Not as much as before, but still.... I think I am a little stressed due to the fact that my husband has been offered a new job (which I am excited about) and it involves moving to Baltimore from Knoxville, TN. He leaves in two weeks and the kids and I will follow by the beginning of April. My goal during that time, is to work really hard at this diet and exercise thing, and be on the way to 'smokin' by the time we see him again for good. :)

I have a few friends now that are starting to do this same thing, so we are trying to support each other. It is hard not being able to see them, but at least we have our blogs, Facebook, etc., as means to communicate. I need to be blogging everyday, even if it is to say 'this sucks!', just to get in the habit of putting my thoughts onto 'paper'. I really think it will help the process. I am not much of a writer, that is my husbands job, but I guess I can try.

I'm looking forward to another week, and kicking my butt on the elliptical machine at work. I really need to prove to myself that I truly can lose 1 1/2 lbs./week!!!

Back at it again!

Well, after a few months and a few pounds added, I am back. And this time, it's for me!!! I started at 216.6 on December 21, 2008. That was a little hard to take, but I decided I am going to do something about it this time. So, I started working out on my boss' elliptical machine. I take the kids to school, come back to the house and throw a load of laundry in and then go upstairs and work out. I try to burn between 450-650 calories per workout. I have been doing that 5 days/week for the past three weeks. Imagine how excited I was when I stepped on the scale last Saturday and realized that I had lost 3.6 lbs....and over the Holidays even!! I have been keeping track of my food intake and exercise on Prevention.com using their 'health tracker'. It has been working very well for me.

Sean suggested I go out and buy an 'inspiration' outfit and hang it where I can see it often. So, the other day I went to Kohl's and bought a work out outfit in a size medium....I don't EVER remember wearing a size that small....except maybe middle school?! LOL